


your plans and those slow hands

by transit (dollyeo)



Series: Soulmate AU [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward First Times, Fluff and Crack, High School, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 14:56:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12235182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollyeo/pseuds/transit
Summary: "Get your head out of the gutter," says Soonyoung. "Why does everything have to be about sex when it comes to Wonwoo?""You mean you two weren't screwing around behind our backs the whole summer break?"Soonyoung presses his forehead against the door to the bathroom stall and mutters something under his breath."What was that?"Soonyoung peels his face away, and glares at a spot behind Junhui's back. "I said," he says, through gritted teeth, "we didn't do anything."-Soonyoung has a Crisis, and its name is Jeon Wonwoo.





	your plans and those slow hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [historiologies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/historiologies/gifts).



> CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you deserve so much more than this and yet. I Tried. OTL
> 
> I hope you enjoy this attempt though ;3; ♥

The first week after summer break in senior year, Soonyoung starts hanging out in the football team's changing room. On a near-permanent basis, it smells like used socks and wet dog, but Soonyoung only really needs an hour or two, tops, before hagwon starts. Then he can drag his feet home without having to take the long way round, away from prying eyes and exasperated sighs loaded with volumes of judgment. And, more importantly, alone.

"Aren't you supposed to be in cram school?" Mingyu asks, scratching the back of his head. Soonyoung's camped out in front of his locker, blocking Mingyu from his clothes, but Mingyu's locker is also conveniently tucked away from the entrance of the room, out of view from anyone peering inside the door.

"No," Soonyoung grunts out. He doesn't look up from scrolling through his SNS -- Wonwoo's gotten another love confession in his shoe locker, says Junhui's status update, what a dick -- not even when Minghao pointedly brushes past him, flicking drops of water from his bottle at his face. "Who needs cram school when you're a genius?"

"Didn't you fail your practice exam just the other day?"

"Fuck off."

Mingyu throws his hands up in the air in defeat and turns to Seokmin, pleading. Seokmin, who really only ever hangs around the changing room when Jihoon's not ruling over choir with an iron fist, seems to take some pity on him and tries the direct approach instead. "Hyung, is there something that happened over the break that we should know about?"

Soonyoung clutches at the edges of his phone, tight enough that it digs into his palm. "Not really."

"Then why have you been ignoring calls from Wonwoo-hyung for the past hour?" Seokmin asks -- gently, this time, as if Soonyoung's some skittish animal ready to jerk away at the slightest movement.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," says Soonyoung, loftily. The effect is ruined when he flinches at his phone vibrating in his pocket. He doesn't have to look down to know who it is, and swipes his sweaty fingers across the screen to reject the call.

"Look, I don't know what it is you two are fighting about now, but I think it's time you start using words even if you're really bad at them," says Minghao.

"We're not fighting," says Soonyoung.

"Right," says Minghao, with an exasperated sigh. "I'm just gonna go talk to Wonwoo-hyung and tell him to deal with your crazy--"

"Do that and I'm grabbing all of Mingyu's clothes and burning them," says Soonyoung, with a hand braced against Mingyu's locker.

" _Hyung_!" Mingyu whines. "My uniform is _in that bag_!"

"I vote we pick him up and I sit on him," says Minghao. "Mingyu, you grab his legs. Seokmin, you go for his arms."

"I know taekwondo and I'm not afraid to kick your ass," Soonyoung threatens.

Minghao barely even bats an eyelash. "I dare you to try."

Soonyoung doesn't quail under Minghao's stare, because he's not a coward, no. He's just not a complete idiot. Minghao's thin, but he's also got at least a few inches on him, and he knows how to put someone in a chokehold in ten seconds flat. Soonyoung should know; he's watched Mingyu wheeze and suffer under Minghao more than once when they were younger.

"Whatever," Soonyoung huffs. He throws the gym bag over at Mingyu, who barely manages to catch it with a yelp. "It doesn't matter. I'm heading over to the pool instead."

"You're not part of the swim team," Seokmin points out.

"Neither is Wonwoo," says Soonyoung, shrugging. Exercise and water, two things Wonwoo hates with a passion -- he's in no danger of bumping into him any time soon there.

Not that Wonwoo can't find him, if he really wants to. Soonyoung looks at the fraying piece of string on his pinky, stretching outward and into the distance, infinite points in a line. He gives it an experimental tug, and it's loose, but jerks with tension. Not too far, but enough to give him space.

He makes a face just as Seokmin heaves a sigh and Mingyu cradles his bag to his chest in case Soonyoung gets any more ideas. "You know you can't avoid your soulmate forever, right?" Seokmin asks, resigned.

"Watch me," says Soonyoung.

He's got stubbornness down to an art form.

 

 

 _Are we seriously doing this thing where you pretend you're not being a dick and I pretend I'm okay with it_ , Wonwoo texts him, just before cram school -- another day Soonyoung's missed, and all because of Wonwoo.

He digs his heel into the sandbox, kicking up dirt and grime on the hem of his pants. _Aren't you the one breaking freshmen's hearts left and right_? He texts back.

 _Grow up, Soonyoung_ , says Wonwoo, after a deliberate half hour of ignoring him, and whatever embarrassment and guilt must have stewed and gnawed on Soonyoung's insides disappears just as quickly as it comes.

"Jeon Wonwoo's the biggest stupidhead in the world!" He yells, right in the middle of the playground, and it's worth all the dirty looks he gets from the parents when a group of preschoolers join him in assassinating Wonwoo's character.

He's never claimed to be a good influence.

That flare of irritation that wells up inside his chest, irrational and unbidden, continues to crest and wane in his stomach, and he simmers in it -- Kwon Soonyoung, third year from class B, on the cusp of graduating and entering adulthood, and yet here he is, sulking in the public park piggy-backing the neighborhood kids and letting them braid his hair with clumsy, sticky fingers and a half-wilted flower crown.

"Oppa looks so pretty," Jisoo, a girl from his apartment block, coos, and he preens under her red cheeks. She's always been starry-eyed around Wonwoo whenever she sees him, so it's nice to be on the receiving end of her praise this time, never mind that it feels mildly pathetic he's even seeking validation in a four year old.

"Am I more handsome than Wonwoo now?" He tests. She hides a dopy grin behind her chubby fingers, suddenly shy.

"Wonwoo-oppa's the handsomest," she says, with brutal honesty. Ouch.

"But he's so _boring_ ," says Soonyoung. "Don't you like me better, Jisoo-ah?"

"I like you both," says Jisoo, primly. "But not as much as Hana."

"Of course you do," says Soonyoung. He smiles down at her, softly, and pats the top of her head even as she whines.

How is anyone supposed to compete with a soulmate, after all?

 

 

Jisoo soon gets distracted by Hana calling her over to pet a stray, and he ends up emptying his pockets for spare change to treat them to ice cream just to get them to stop bothering the cat. He has to wipe their chins and fingers off with the sleeve of his uniform jacket, but it's fine -- it's Wonwoo's, anyway, and it's a small sacrifice to make. At least Wonwoo will have _some_ practice washing stains out. If he even musters the willpower to face him.

"Where's Wonwoo-oppa?" Hana asks, just as she's eating up the last of her wafer cone. There's bits and crumbs getting all over Soonyoung's pants, and he briefly considers going back to the ice cream shop to ask for more tissue, preferably a year's supply, but he just brushes them away.

"He's studying," says Soonyoung. "Because he's a nerd."

Hana's brows are furrowed, knitted together. "Why aren't you with him, then?"

"Why not?"

"You're always together," Hana reasons.

"We don't have to be glued to each other all the time."

"But you're _soulmates_ ," Hana insists, as if the idea of Soonyoung hanging out with people other than Wonwoo is so out of the realm of possibility it's possibly breaking her brain.

"Lots of people can meet their soulmates and not be with each other all the time," says Soonyoung. Lots of people also don't meet their soulmates, he doesn't add, and sometimes it's for the better.

Some of them never even get to have sex. God. What kind of hell is he even living in, he wonders. There is no justice in this world.

Jisoo squints at him. "Are you two fighting?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Sometimes Hana and I fight when she's being a poopyhead--"

"Hey!"

"--and then I don't talk to her because she's being annoying," says Jisoo. She hands the rest of her ice cream to Hana to placate her, and Hana quiets down but nibbles on the strawberry ice cream churlishly. "What did you do to Wonwoo-oppa?"

"What makes you think it's even my fault?" Soonyoung asks. "Can't it be Wonwoo who's being the poopyhead?"

"Maybe," Jisoo concedes, face falling. She turns to Hana, cocking her head to the side. "Boys are really stupid, aren't they?"

"Yep," says Hana, smacking her lips together, unfazed.

"I'm a boy too, you know," says Soonyoung.

"We know," they chorus, completely and utterly shameless. Soonyoung hangs his head, defeated, and pretends to clutch at his wounded heart.

"Don't worry, oppa," says Hana, patting his head. "I'm sure you and Wonwoo-oppa will kiss and make up soon."

 _Yeah_ , Soonyoung thinks, cringing inside. _Not pretty damn likely_.

 

 

It's not that Soonyoung's intent on avoiding Wonwoo _forever_. Forever's such a long time, longer than that time he and Wonwoo had fought in kindergarten over something really stupid; they were supposed to draw a picture of the most important thing in their lives, and Soonyoung had drawn Wonwoo -- of course he did, how could he not? -- had even gone through a paralyzing moment of conflict when he'd thought of his mom or his dad, instead, and ultimately wound up coming back to Wonwoo, no contest.

Wonwoo drew Soonyoung's cat instead --"I like your cat," Wonwoo had said, shrugging, the first betrayal in Soonyoung's early life -- and Soonyoung had sworn that he was never going to talk to him again for as long as he lived, not even if Wonwoo's mom bought him all the ice cream he ever wanted and Wonwoo gave him all the best crayons in the box during art class. He'd narrowed his eyes at Wonwoo from across the room and claimed a disgruntled Lee Jihoon as his new best friend, and even with the red string that curled around his ring finger, taut with distance, or Wonwoo's constantly wounded face, he hadn't been swayed.

That particular argument had lasted five days, though, before Soonyoung had cracked and started bugging Wonwoo again like nothing had happened, like he hadn't spent the past week ignoring him at turns. Soonyoung maintains, up to now, that it's really mostly because he's a magnanimous man, gracious and forgiving; Junhui and Wonwoo seem to agree that it's only because he'd ended up annoying Jihoon to death, instead.

Still, it's always been Soonyoung's call, and that's the way it's going to stay, if Soonyoung has any say about it. And anyway, there's no point when they're practically stuck with each other for the rest of their lives -- have been, since they were four years old and Soonyoung had been snooping around the supermarket looking for the end of his thread, and he'd practically tripped over the shopping cart that Wonwoo had been standing on as his mother hovered around the juice section; there were probably a hundred smoother, less awkward ways to meet your soulmate, and all Soonyoung had managed to do was to fall into his path and give his own mother a heart attack looking for her lost kid in the process.

That's the thing about the two of them, though. He'll come find Wonwoo, when he's ready, and Wonwoo will have no choice but to be patient. It'll just take a few days. Weeks. Months. He's just going to avoid Wonwoo until he stops feeling unsettled and antsy around him.

Whenever that is.

 

 

He drops the kids off at Jisoo's house, and he ends up eating dinner with the Kims while they wait for Hana's mom to pick her up. Hana's over at Jisoo's more often than not, and vice-versa, depending on how busy their parents are; that's one of the things that's so convenient about meeting your soulmate early on, but also a curse.

He and Wonwoo used to stay over each other's houses all the time, up until middle school and Soonyoung felt they were getting too old for sleepovers. They'd huddle together under the same blankets talking about everything and nothing -- Soonyoung would talk on, and on, and on, and Wonwoo would help him piece together the stories that seemed to ramble without end, and they'd fall asleep with their foreheads pressed together, drooling all over the pillows like puppies.

Soonyoung had bad sleeping habits, though -- the _worst_. More often than not, Soonyoung would end up kicking Wonwoo off the bed and onto the floor, and Wonwoo complained so much that they pushed Wonwoo's bed to the side of the room so Wonwoo could squeeze in between the wall and Soonyoung. They used to keep a body pillow at the edge of the mattress to keep Soonyoung from rolling over, but even then Wonwoo would keep his arms around Soonyoung's torso, clinging so tightly that Soonyoung had nightmares of being trapped and eaten alive by a giant octopus in his sleep. There's a reason Soonyoung hates going to aquariums so much and eating raw octopi, and that reason is Jeon Wonwoo.

The older they got and the more cramped it became, they eventually migrated to the living room, lulled to sleep by the drone of late night cartoons or powering through a sleepless night with their laptops turned on and hissing threats and disses at each other while playing video games on opposing teams. Ever since summer break, though, they'd abandoned the MMORPGs and shows for the pretense of studying.

Or, at least, Soonyoung had every intention of following through with it, until Wonwoo didn't.

"Oppa, why do you look like your stomach hurts?" Jisoo pipes up around a mouthful of bean sprouts, as if sensing the downturn in his mood.

"I'm fine," says Soonyoung. He pops a potato into his mouth. "It's nothing. i just remembered I had homework to finish."

"What's homework?" Hana asks.

"The worst thing in the world," says Jisoo's older sister, Jihyun. "You'll understand when you're older."

Oh," says Hana, wrinkling her nose. "I hope I never grow up, then."

 _Me too_ , Soonyoung thinks, something in his stomach twinging, with a small ache. If only he could have stayed four years old forever.

 

 

It's late by the time he gets home, but at that point, Wonwoo's already called at least five times in the span of two hours, his sister informs him.

"He knows cellphones exist, right?" She asks, dryly -- a long-running joke, what with how Wonwoo's always been the type to prefer doing things the hard and inconvenient way, persistent.

In a way, Wonwoo has to be to cover all his bases, especially when Soonyoung's at his most stubborn; it's an admirable trait that has Soonyoung on edge more often than not.

Soonyoung's saved the indignity of having to respond to that, though, by the landline phone ringing; he takes one look at the caller ID, and makes frantic motions at his sister to answer it.

"Seriously?" She scoffs. He whines -- an embarrassing, high-pitched sound that she'll probably laugh at him for later, but for now she just rolls her eyes and shoves past him to get it.

"Hey Wonwoo," she says. "Soonyoung can't come to the phone right now. He's being an idiot again."

There's a pause, Wonwoo saying something mangled and unintelligible in his sister's ears, and she nods and says, "Okay, I'll tell him that." She puts the phone away from her ear, cupping a hand over it, and tells him, "He's coming over in, like, fifteen minutes to kick your ass."

"I don't wanna talk to him!" Soonyoung retorts, toeing his socks off and flinging one at her. "Tell him I'm out!"

"He can hear you, dumbass," says his sister.

"Tell him I'm dead, then!"

She sighs, and puts the phone back to her ear. "You heard that, right? Uh huh. Okay. Next time then. Sorry you're stuck with a weirdo for the rest of your life, Wonwoo."

"I heard that!" Soonyoung yells.

He makes sure to lock his bedroom door that night, and doesn't let anyone in, not the cat, not his younger brother, and certainly not Jeon fucking Wonwoo.

 

 

 _21:03:_ Look, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable, but this is just being ridiculous.  
_21:04:_ Seriously, Soonyoung, pick up your phone already and unblock me from KKT and Line.  
_7 missed calls from DELETE THIS NUMBER FOREVER_  
_22:10:_ Very mature, Soonyoung.  
_22:58:_ Whatever.

 

 

"Wonwoo's mad at you right now," says Junhui, by way of greeting, as they bump into each other in the shoe lockers the next morning.

"I was mad at him first," Soonyoung scoffs. It's easy to pluck up enough bravado in the face of outsiders, but he soon quails as soon as he catches sight of Wonwoo in the hallway.

"Oh shit," Soonyoung mutters, pulling on his shoes and breaking out into an antsy half-walk, half-jog in place. "Shit shit shit shit _shit_!"

He winds up dragging Junhui by the arm and over to the third floor bathroom even if Junhui hasn't even managed to properly tug on his indoor shoes yet; if it were Jihoon or Minghao, Soonyoung would probably get kneed in the stomach for it, but Junhui just takes it with his usual calm and placidity and goes along with all of Soonyoung's eccentricities, however damaging they may be to his attendance.

It doesn't stop him from opening his mouth to nitpick at Soonyoung, though. Maybe Soonyoung should have gone for Jihoon instead.

"Okay, but can we at least _not_ pick the boy's bathroom for this?" Junhui says, picking at the peeling paint on the wall. "This is the grossest place to hide out in, just so you know."

"I'm not hiding," Soonyoung corrects him. "I'm--" He looks around, and makes a face at the tiled floor, "-- _strategizing_ , that's all."

"Strategizing? Is that what all the kids call it these days," says Junhui, wistfully. Soonyoung digs an elbow into his side, and Junhui recoils with a wince. " _Ow_."

"Don't make fun," says Soonyoung. "It's _nothing_."

"If it's nothing, then why do you make it sound like you're going off to war and Wonwoo's about to shoot you in the face with a handgun while he's at it?"

"He probably would," Soonyoung mutters. Junhui laughs at him, but Soonyoung can't even find it in himself to find the humor in it.

"I can think of a hundred things Wonwoo would like to do to you, and I assure you, killing you isn't one of them," says Junhui. "Though if you keep this up, he might actually end up strangling you eventually, and in a non-kinky way."

"Get your head out of the gutter," says Soonyoung. "Why does everything have to be about sex when it comes to Wonwoo?"

"You mean you two weren't screwing around behind our backs the whole summer break?"

Soonyoung presses his forehead against the door to the bathroom stall and mutters something under his breath.

"What was that?"

Soonyoung peels his face away, and glares at a spot behind Junhui's back. "I said," he says, through gritted teeth, "we didn't do anything."

"Bullshit," says Junhui. "Wonwoo nagged _Jeonghan-hyung_ to buy condoms for him. He _bought_ lube _online_. _You_ watched him do it. You _paid_ for half of everything."

"I know," Soonyoung whines. "It's just--" He rubs his palms over his cheeks, frustrated. "It didn't happen, okay!"

Junhui stares at him.

"Soonyoung, you two were literally groping each other in front of everyone else when we were marathoning all the Ju-on movies," says Junhui. "You've been _dying_ to lose your V-card since you discovered porn. How could you _not_ do it?"

"Don't say it," Soonyoung groans. "I chickened out. My heart wasn't prepared."

"It's cute that you think your heart is the only thing that matters when it comes to sleeping with Wonwoo," says Junhui, "but you're an idiot, Soonyoung."

"I can't help it," says Soonyoung. "Every time his hand comes close to my pants my stomach gets all fluttery and knotted up and I just wanna throw up." And vomiting's never been a great mood maker, that's for sure. "Besides," he continues, bleakly this time, "that isn't the only problem."

"You mean there's _more_?" Junhui croaks out, sounding choked up.

"It didn't fit," says Soonyoung, despairing. "He was too big."

Junhui takes a deep breath and throws his head back to break out into peals of laughter that has Soonyoung pressing his palms to his eyeballs so hard he wishes he could go blind. "Stop laughing at me! This is a legitimate concern! What if we end up never going to have great sex at this rate and he leaves me for some floozy?"

"Well, there's a reason they sell onaholes online," says Junhui, mustering a straight face only to fail horrifically seconds after. In between gulps of air and choked laughter, he forges on. "Should we pool in our money and get you that for your birthdays?"

"If you get me a sex toy instead of cake, I will cut off your balls," Soonyoung warns. He ends up slumping against the wall and slouching until his ass hits the floor, all strength and energy in him depleted. He curls his legs up and tucks his cheek against his kneecaps, the perfect picture of abject misery. "I'm so glad you're enjoying my mental breakdown so much, even if it means I can never show my face to Wonwoo again." 

"Relax," says Junhui, once he's calmed down enough to let pity take over, fingers petting the top of his head. "Wonwoo doesn't need to have sex with you to stay with you, okay?"

"I don't know," says Soonyoung, woefully. "It's a crime for someone that hot to not get any action, and it's all my fault."

"You do realize that foreplay isn't a one-way street, right?"

"I'll never get laid," Soonyoung concludes.

"Out of all the things in the world Wonwoo could have rubbed off on you, and it had to be his cynicism instead of his dick," says Junhui, sighing. "Cheer up, Soonyoung-ah. The sooner you get around to manning up and not running away from Wonwoo, the faster he can work on getting rid of _that_ problem."

He pats Soonyoung's cheek, and smiles. "Have a little faith in Wonwoo, okay?"

 

 

The problem isn't that Soonyoung's feelings about Wonwoo are changing. If anyone asks Soonyoung, he could say, with a hundred percent certainty, that from four to eighteen, Wonwoo's the most important person in his life, and he couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

In an abstract part of his brain, he's figured that it would entail everything that comes with the idea of a future -- a series of firsts, all the new beginnings. An apartment together. A proposal. Pets. Children, maybe adopting or doting on nephews or nieces. Growing up, growing old. Everything.

Still, all of those things seem too distant into the future, too _out there_. Soonyoung hasn't even had his coming of age ceremony yet, much less pass senior year without wanting to flip a table and just run away, and everything's so new, so awkward, too full of feeling without the rationality that comes with age and experience.

The problem is that the summer after junior year, Wonwoo suddenly came back from his grandparent's place _hot_ , and any passing daydreams Soonyoung had of a future turned into want, pooling deep in his stomach and making him shame-facedly strip his mattress down of the sheets to do laundry at four in the morning. He'd seen Wonwoo naked before, but now even just seeing him peel a wet shirt off of his torso after getting hosed down by a cackling Bohyuk was enough to give Soonyoung unasked for heart palpitations.

And, well, the way Wonwoo looked right back at him, eyes focused on the curl of his mouth, the flash of his teeth biting down on his lower lip -- suddenly, hanging out with each other just wasn't enough.

Sex just felt like a natural progression, after that, and he'd ended up with his cheek pressed against Wonwoo's pillow, breathing in his scent to keep the knots in his stomach from tangling further as Wonwoo traced the rim of his hole with shaking, tentative fingers.The bottle of lube, Wonwoo kept by the foot of the bed, fretting over using too much or not enough, and Soonyoung wanted to kick at it just to get Wonwoo to stop _thinking_ and just put his hands on him already, _god_. Patience, Soonyoung had none of it, and he was going to _explode_ before Wonwoo could get his dick in him.

Soonyoung whined. Wonwoo bit his lip, so hard it turned red. He breathed out, shaky, and Soonyoung's toes curled in want, burning.

God. Wonwoo was going to kill him slowly at this rate. What a way to die.

"Relax," Wonwoo had said. His other palm rested against the small of Soonyoung's back, the solid weight of it belying the careless touch. "You look like you're going to puke." 

"I feel like I'm going to puke," Soonyoung groaned. He braced his arms under the pillows, watching the thread disappear with each flex of muscle. "God, just get in me already."

"I don't think that's how it's supposed to work," said Wonwoo, and Soonyoung let out a gutted noise as he started fingering him from behind, the squelch obscenely loud in the silence of the apartment. "Fuck, Soonyoung, stop _wriggling_."

"No time," Soonyoung whined. His mouth felt parched, even as he was sweating and leaving wet imprints of his teeth on Wonwoo's pillowcase. "Your brother's gonna be back in an hour."

He felt Wonwoo sidle up closer, until his forehead pressed against Soonyoung's back, bangs sticking to his brow and tickling Soonyoung's shoulder. "I don't wanna hurt you," Wonwoo confessed.

"You won't, okay?" Soonyoung said, the picture of naivete as he dug his knees into the mattress and pushed back against Wonwoo's fingers. They were soulmates that should have had everything figured out, right? They'd fit together as easily as they found each other. "I trust you, Wonwoo-ah."

Famous last words, apparently. All Soonyoung remembers now is the rip of the condom, and Wonwoo's sharp exhale. And, most of all, pain, searing and coiling at his stomach, like he was being split open even with only the head in.

The thing about pornos is that they don't teach you about how much it hurts, at first; and if Soonyoung had kicked Wonwoo off his own bed and started leaking fat, ugly tears onto Wonwoo's pillow, well. No one else should know.

 

 

Jihoon, the heartless bastard, just gives him an unimpressed stare when he talks about it.

"So your first time was shitty," says Jihoon. "So what? Not like you got sent to the ER when he ripped you a new one, right?"

"Can we not talk about this so casually in a _family restaurant_?" Soonyoung hisses, slouching in his seat with the mortified air of someone desperately trying to avoid the side eyes and the curious, open expressions of primary schoolers with their parents in the next booth over.

"I disagree," says Junhui, ever unhelpful as he lets Jihoon steal his fries. "I firmly believe that open communication in any relationship is the key to healthily discussing kinks and setting boundaries."

"Assuming Soonyoung will ever let Wonwoo near him," says Jihoon. He makes a face. "He's not even that big."

"Excuse me, you weren't the one trying to fit a monster dick in you," says Soonyoung.

"Maybe you're just too small," says Jihoon, dryly.

Soonyoung looks him up and down, long and judgmental. " _You're_ telling me _this_?"

"Or maybe you should just get that stick out of your ass first," says Jihoon, flipping him a well-chosen finger, even if his cheeks are flushed red, almost as much as Junhui's. God. Soonyoung doesn't want to _know_.

"I don't think penetration's the only way to enjoy doing stuff with the person you love," Junhui intervenes, right before Soonyoung lunges at Jihoon from across the table to maybe start choking him with his own curly fries and a straw. "You can always try other things to get off."

"You've been watching too many JAVs, is the problem," says Jihoon. "You know that stuff's all fake and shit, right?"

"Definitely not romantic," says Junhui, nodding. "But always great to get your rocks off."

"Knowing Soonyoung's tastes in porn, though, that's gonna be a problem," says Jihoon.

"Fuck off," says Soonyoung. "Don't you have any faith in my ability to be flexible about my porn?"

"Considering you've been tracking the same categories since you were thirteen, I highly doubt that."

"I'm not picky!" Soonyoung complains. "I could totally do anything with Wonwoo and like it!" Except the butt stuff. Maybe. He'll have to work his way up to that.

"Are you kidding me? You're the worst kind of picky," says Jihoon, rolling his eyes. "You find something you like, then stick with it until you're bored, but then when you want to try out new things, it has to be at your pace. And _then_ when you rush into it like a reckless idiot and find that you're scared of it or you hate it, you just completely shut everyone out."

"So what if I like familiarity," Soonyoung mutters, glaring at his soda. "I like routine, okay?"

"Routines are just habits, and not all of them are good," says Jihoon, raising an eyebrow at him. It makes Soonyoung quail in his seat, even as he seethes.

"Are we still talking about porn?" Junhui wonders, after a beat.

"Just drink your milkshake, Jun," says Jihoon, offering his own straw. Then, sweetly, he adds, "Besides, Wonwoo's coming over soon, and we don't want to spoil our stomachs watching these idiots make up, do we?"

"He's _what_?" Soonyoung squawks. He starts shoving his fries and his burger inside his backpack, squishing everything into a gross mess with his papers that he's sure he'll regret much later on, but his fight or flight instincts are going haywire right now and wreaking havoc on his nervous system. " _Traitor_."

"You can't run from your problems forever, Soonyoung," says Jihoon. "Even if it's a pain in the ass."

"You think you're so funny, don't you?" Soonyoung hisses.

"Very," says Jihoon, and waves at Soonyoung as he scrambles out of his seat and out of the restaurant without looking back.

 

 

If anyone has to make him confess under pain of death, Soonyoung will be the first to tell you he isn't a brave man. He pretends to sleep through the horror movies Wonwoo loves so much just so he doesn't have to dream about them at night, and he's always so close to pissing his pants every time he has to do a courage test or go through an elaborately staged, fake-ass horror house every time the school festival comes around.

He's deathly afraid of spiders, to the point that he has to get someone, _anyone_ drive it away, even if his older sister keeps staring at him with increasingly dead eyes when she has to shoo one the size of a thumb out of their shared bathroom. He can't sleep anywhere new alone, and everything tapping outside the window or creaking against the floor is a ghost waiting to drag him out by the ankle, intent on feeding on his soul. He's gotten better at covering up his stage fright, but it's always there, lurking, assuaged only by Wonwoo's comforting touch at the small of his back, that soft look in his eyes that tells him Wonwoo believes in him more than he believes in himself.

Still, when he spots Wonwoo scrolling through his phone and waiting for him at the foot of his apartment complex, it's more than fear that's curling in his stomach, licking at his insides like a flame being stoked. When it comes to Wonwoo, though, Soonyoung has to wonder if it's really him that's pulling the strings and calling the shots, or Wonwoo who's just waiting for everything to fall into place, eager to match his stubbornness.

Maybe he's not really as in control as he feels he is, and that's the unsettling part about it. He digs his heels into the concrete, making the lightest scuffling sound, and Wonwoo looks up from his phone, staring straight at him. The lights from the streetlamps and the outdoor bulbs make his eyes look like they're glowing, bright, even as dark as they are from a distance. It makes him feel vulnerable, exposed. Like he's being stripped naked.

So if Soonyoung turns on his heel and starts brisk-walking away, no one can blame him for it. He's always been more of a coward.

"Get back here, Kwon Soonyoung," Wonwoo yells at him, but he doesn't sound too peeved about it, just amused.

"Never!" He yells back, and starts running for his life.

The thing about Wonwoo that most people forget, though, is that he's always had longer legs, and fuck it if his stamina doesn't magically improve when it comes to Soonyoung. When he catches up to him and backhugs him so tightly Soonyoung squeaks and falls over, he knows: it's over.

"Caught you," Wonwoo wheezes, huffing into his ear.

And then he kisses him, sweet, and slow.

His heart, he thinks. It's fluttering.

 

 

The first time Wonwoo had kissed him, back in middle school, he'd avoided Wonwoo like a plague, too, until Wonwoo cornered him in the art room and asked him point-blank if he hated it, knowing that Wonwoo was in love with him. But it wasn't hate that he'd felt, then, never that; just a crippling sense of anxiety and fear, keeping him immobile at the prospect of the unknowable, the unknown.

"Soonyoung-ah," Wonwoo had said, voice soft, "why won't you look at me?"

"It feels weird," he said, keeping his eyes down. "I don't know how to look at you properly now."

"Do you hate me, then?"

"No!" He blurted out, voice cracking. "It's just-- your face. It's too distracting."

"My face?"

"Yeah," said Soonyoung, fidgeting. "The way you look at me-- it's--" He bit his lip, and tried not to feel as small as he felt caged in by Wonwoo's arms. "It's different."

"I don't know about that, Soonyoung-ah," said Wonwoo. He tucked his cheek against the top of Soonyoung's head, let it rest there after he pressed a kiss to his hair that Soonyoung heard more than felt. "I've always looked at you like this, haven't I?"

 _Wow_ , Soonyoung had thought, then. _I'm stuck with the cheesiest man in the world._

Soonyoung realized one thing, then: reciprocated first loves felt a little like wanting to barf in his mouth, but also wanting to kiss Wonwoo until he couldn't breathe anymore just to shut him up.

The first kiss wasn't perfect; their teeth clacked against each other, and Soonyoung winced when Wonwoo figured that nibbling on his chapped lip was supposed to be sexy. There was too much spit, he almost forgot how to breathe through his nose, a senior wound up walking in on them and ruining the moment, but.

It tasted mildly of custard buns and tteokbokki, and it was with Wonwoo -- all of Soonyoung's favorite things in the world. Soonyoung was in love.

 

 

The funny thing about them is that they never really _talk_ about things after they've fought; forgiveness is easy, and Soonyoung would rather _die_ than have to go through more awkwardness than he already feels, and he'd much prefer Wonwoo quieting him with a kiss or two (hundred) than have him ramble on with no direction.

Whatever peevishness and immature resentment doesn't come in between Wonwoo lacing their fingers together, as they walk up the stairs and into Soonyoung's apartment. There's no one home, not even his mom, but Soonyoung's cat pads out of one of the rooms to greet them with a meow, shedding fur all over Wonwoo's pants in the process of rubbing up against him. Wonwoo picks him up, and pets him until the meowing dies down to satisfied purring.

"I swear, you love that cat more than you love me," says Soonyoung, dropping his bag on the sofa on his way to his room.

"Your cat doesn't ignore me," says Wonwoo, simply. Soonyoung makes a face, and Wonwoo laughs, before ducking down to kiss Soonyoung, placating. "What? It's true. Hoshi's always been my favorite."

"Jackass," says Soonyoung, without heat. He makes a mental note to never change Wonwoo's name back to _Wonwoo-yah ♥♥♥_ on his phone just because. "You taste like instant ramyeon," says Soonyoung, grimacing. He purses his lips, and tips his chin up. "One more time?"

It's not hard to convince Wonwoo to, but there's a moment when the kiss turns heated, hard. Wonwoo stills against his eagerness, and Soonyoung makes a sound at the back of his throat that he's embarrassed to admit might sound a little bit like desperation, like he's been deprived. Which, in a way, he kind of is -- has been depriving himself of it, because--

The reminder of it settles into his stomach, and he freezes up on reflex. Wonwoo bites the inside of his cheek, gaze turning soft, but there's also a bit of hurt in there that Soonyoung regrets.

"I'm fine," says Soonyoung. "Why'd you stop?"

He moves forward, fingers reaching out to grip on Wonwoo's collar and pull him closer, but Wonwoo just holds him in place, keeps him trapped in his arms.

"Soonyoung-ah," he says, quietly. Firmer, this time. "You're shaking."

 _Fuck_ , Soonyoung thinks. He's ruining everything all over again. He hates it.

He pushes himself off of Wonwoo, and collapses on his bed, covering his face with his hands. The worst thing about being a teenager with overactive hormones is that he always feels awkward in his own skin, like he wants to do anything and everything but he doesn't have the guts to, not yet. Not listening to Wonwoo's never had a good outcome for him, and he knows it.

He just hates that he's throwing himself into things he's not prepared enough for, just because he thinks he can in the heat of the moment, only to completely ruin it because he's scared. Fuck Jihoon for being right.

"Sorry," he says, voice sounding wet, tremolous. The bed dips beside him, and Wonwoo curls up against him, comforting. "I was just-- I didn't think--"

"It's okay," says Wonwoo. He runs a hand through Soonyoung's hair, nudging his bangs away from his forehead. "You don't have to explain."

"I just want you to feel good when you're with me," says Soonyoung, voice muffled by his skin.

"But I _do_ feel good around you," says Wonwoo. "You make me happy."

"It's not enough, though," says Soonyoung. "Sometimes I wish I could just be less awkward and nervous about this."

"You think I'm not?"

"No," says Soonyoung. "You're perfect."

"Hardly," says Wonwoo. "I was so nervous about having sex with you that I didn't really think anything through." Soonyoung makes a distressed noise in his throat, and Wonwoo laughs, not unkindly. "Seriously, screw Bohyuk, I could have eaten you out all day if it meant making you come instead of having a horrible first time."

"I can't believe you can say embarrassing stuff like that with a straight face," says Soonyoung, peeking at him from behind his fingers. "I'm never letting you near my ass again."

"That's fine," says Wonwoo, breezily. "I'll have to be content with my hands, then."

"Oh god," says Soonyoung, kicking him away. Wonwoo cackles and grabs his ankle, pinning it down to keep him from squirming. "I'm tied down by a pervert."

Wonwoo's laughter takes a while before it dies down, but when it does, his face turns serious, more somber. "I don't mind if you don't really want to do anything you're not comfortable with, you know. You don't have to prove anything to me, Soonyoung," says Wonwoo. "I don't want you to feel like you _have_ to do things with me, just so you can be with me."

"You've been talking to Jun, haven't you?"

"Maybe," says Wonwoo, with a shrug. He manages to keep a straight face, but his lips are shaking, keeping something in. "Though his lecture on sex toys was _very_ informative."

"I don't wanna know," says Soonyoung. "Please spare me the details."

"Only because I love you," says Wonwoo. He pecks at his brow, and Soonyoung can feel something inside him come undone at that, easily.

"Are you still gonna like me even if I can't do butt stuff with you," Soonyoung warbles, sniffling.

"I'll love you even if we just end up cuddling all the time and falling asleep before ten in the evening," says Wonwoo, with a grin. His eyes are hooded, when he looks down at Soonyoung. "And who says I'm adverse to getting fucked myself?"

"Oh my god, I love you," Soonyoung breathes out. He surges up to kiss Wonwoo, hard, on the mouth, and Wonwoo nearly hits the headboard in his rush.

There's a lot of things Soonyoung's not sure about, but if there's anything he knows, it's this: how Wonwoo's always so quick to catch him, waiting and ready. How Wonwoo makes him feel like his heart's about to burst all the time, but keeps it cradled, quiet, close. How it beats, wildly, when it doesn't for anyone else.

"Mom and dad are over at grandma's and I told my sister I'm sleeping over at Jun's, so she's probably over at her boyfriend's place," says Soonyoung, when he pulls away to catch his breath. He toys with the buttons of Wonwoo's shirt, and looks up at him with wide eyes. "Want me to suck you off instead?"

"God," Wonwoo breathes against his mouth, arm tightening around his waist. "You don't even have to ask."

 

 

("If anyone asks," says Soonyoung, much, much later when they're spooning in the musky warmth of the sheets, away from the wet spot, "I never cried while getting fucked, okay?"

"Of course," says Wonwoo, obediently, and Soonyoung grins.

This is exactly why Jeon Wonwoo's always his favorite.)


End file.
